Being in the World but Not of It with Dawn Fleming

Episode 50 is an exciting milestone so Dawn shares Golden Nuggets from her weekly Claim Your Dream Life Facebook Group live show. She dives into how we can escape the noise, anger and negativity that seems to be everywhere.  Staying sane by focusing on what we CAN control, setting and achieving our own goals and remembering who we are with move us forward.  

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Transcript

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Welcome. You are listening to the Overseas Life Redesign podcast where you'll hear fine, relaxed and inspirational interviews with people who are really living the dream. I'm Dawn Fleming and attorney turned alchemist and your host for the show coming to you from the tropical island paradise of Isla Mujeres, Mexico. Listen to conversations with courageous souls who step out of their comfort zone and designed a new way of life. They'll share their experiences, wisdom, and offer practical steps you can take to redesign your life overseas. Listen, and you'll believe if you can dream it. You can achieve it.

Dawn Fleming

  00:44 - 01:18

I can hardly believe we're at episode 50th. Time has gone by so fast and so much has happened since I kicked off this podcast. And I want to thank you for your support. I know I've gotten amazing feedback from this project and I can't wait for the next season for this podcast. I have some really exciting things planned, but for episode 50, I thought I would share a Facebook live talk that I gave in my claim, your dream life community on Facebook. If you like what you hear, definitely want to invite you to join that community?

Dawn Fleming

  01:19 - 02:16

I got to tell ya, as I was thinking about today, I, I really look forward to this chat and, I'm going to be super transparent with you today. As I, I always, really try to be, but sometimes I open up a little bit more than usual. And, I'm going to just tell you today was, was hard. I was really about this close to just saying, you know, I don't really feel like doing my Facebook live today. I think I'm gonna just put a post in the group, pay my aunt died and I'm out. And, I didn't want to do that because I had really important things that I wanted to share with you today. But also I know, I have, when I spent two decades in network marketing, and if any of you have ever been in that business, you know, that it's a people business and we were doing two events a week, it's usually a weekly training and a weekly meeting and we were all shown up.

Dawn Fleming

  02:16 - 03:06

I mean, you know, it's really easy. It's, it's what I teach. You know, that, that slide edge, curve, it's easy to stay at home and say, no, I don't really feel like, I think I'm going to go next week or I'll go to the training. I'm not going to go to the meeting, whatever it is. But, you know, there was a system that we followed and it's, it's what we taught, but more importantly, it's what we did to be successful. And so if we wouldn't have done that, you can't really lead people to success. If you're not willing to do the things yourself that are required for success. So many of you that have had a team before that have led a team, either in business or, you know, even a volunteer effort, you know that you have to, you know, walk the talk, right

Dawn Fleming

  03:06 - 03:57

You can't just say one thing and do something else because you really don't have credibility when that happens. So here, I'm sad about my Lorna, but really actually quite, happy. I did share kind of a little bit been thinking about her and, you know, obviously, there was some sadness she's younger than my mother and I was really sorting of, you know, kind of down about, losing her. And I knew there was a good chance that she wasn't going to make it until I got, you know, there to say goodbye. And so I did tell my mother this after this happened, I talked to her the next day. My mom's still awesome. I'm so excited to see my family. And, for those of you who haven't been able to do that, I really hope that you're able to do that too, but I was just lying in bed and I was really, you know, like I said, kind of feeling sad.

Dawn Fleming

  03:58 - 04:45

It's like, oh my gosh, this is my mom's sister. You know, it's, you know, she's not that old and she just turned 76. And as you know me talking about aging, I don't believe that that's all that old. And I was just kind of feeling sadness. It was just about to drop off to sleep and the business-like overwhelming wave of joy. I, it's hard to explain, explain it like a celebration. I was like, that's weird. And then all of a sudden, like one by one, I could see my grandmother and I could see my grandfather and I could see her husband and my uncle Mike and all these people that had gone before. And they were all like smiling and, and they're like, open it up. We can't wait to see her. And, I was so strange. It was just this weird sensation.

Dawn Fleming

  04:45 - 05:39

Like nobody really said anything, like it was energy. I talk about energy. So, so that's what happened. And, so I, while I am bombed by can see her, I, really, joyful inside to know that that, she's not suffering anymore. We'll be rejoined with, the people that love her and, and, all that. So anyway, that's just a little bit about what's going on with me. I'm getting ready to leave Wednesday. I got my COVID test. It’s negative and Tom is leaving on Friday. We've got, it was the first time that we've both lefts at the same time. One of the things I wanted to talk about is all the noise that's going on in the world right now. I have a dear friend and mentor who, she talked recently in one of her blog posts about how discipline is our greatest asset right now.

Dawn Fleming

  05:40 - 06:34

And Abraham Lincoln said we will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter it will. If we lose our freedom, it will be because we destroyed ourselves. And that's what I'm concerned about. You know, we can't do anything about the noise that's going on right. All week. You know, we can't control when someone, we love leaves this earth, all the control is what we have in front of us right now. And you know, what we're having to deal with is really not listening to the noise. Right. Really trying to be able to just say, you know, there's a lot of fear out there. There's a lot of, negativity going on. I'm not, I'm not going to participate like that, that post I put up today, you know, I'm going to be myself. I'm going to be a happy individual. I'm going to live my life the way I want to live with that.

Dawn Fleming

  06:34 - 07:35

And I'm not going to worry about whatever, what other people think. And so part of that is, you know, what you are buying into when you are listening to the noise hopefully you're not. But what we need to really do to get past that fear, right. Is to take the time to think, you know, very reasoned and organized manner because there's, there's amongst the noise, right. It's chaotic. Right. And so you can listen, listen to other people's opinions. I always want to do that on I always more than we speak, but we don't want to be, get caught up in that anger. Like there's so much anger up there in the world and the fear and the anger. Right. It's, it's not just in the United States either. I do want to say that it's happening globally. Right. And so you kind of have to like close the door of your mind and don't let that stuff in.

Dawn Fleming

  07:35 - 08:39

Right. Don't buy into us versus them an atmosphere that exists right now, because then, you know, fear is what is driving that. And if you don't dump gasoline on this fear and this anger that's out there. And so you have to really cut through the noise, right. And be able to say, what are the best, philosophies that I ever heard was being in this world, but not of right. We are, we, we are, are not, in this role, right. We're not of this world where we're just, you know, in it right now. So, but we are of a divine power that we need to be able to embrace brace and be able to care for each other as a society. Right. Stay balanced, keep a healthy detachment on what's going in. Right. And, and not attacking other people. People's behavior is like live and let live.

Dawn Fleming

  08:39 - 09:27

Right. If, unless they're a danger to you or, or someone else, why do you care Right. Like just, let's just let everybody be. We don't have to always be judgmental and, and getting, giving our 2 cents about this, that, and the other thing, there was a, an interesting post. Somebody just moved to the island, they sold all their belongings. One of our local groups and said, Hey, we just moved to the islands where we're meeting the island. We're meeting a lot of tourists, but we'd really like to meet some locals. And, I reached out to them and I'm like, yeah, great. You know, come stop by sometime. You know, I told them where we were and me, somebody had the audacity, and they posted reeks of privilege. I just, I just shook my head. I'm like, why would you have to do that And Tom, he's so great.

Dawn Fleming

  09:27 - 10:28

He says, you know, didn't your mother ever teach you if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. Like if we don't always have to spew, if we don't like something or we don't disagree with some, we don't always have to spew venom at them. We can just let it go, let it go. Let it roll by like a cloud. Right. You don't, you don't take a picture of her, every cloud in the sky. Right. We, we enjoy them and, and, you know, they pass and the same thing with that. So, because here's the thing, we're all the same as it all comes, when it all comes down to it, right. We think in such individualized methods and it ends up being really ugly. I'm from Minnesota. You guys know that. I mean, I've talked about this before. Like if I'm at, if I'm there in the wintertime and my car is broken down and I'm freezing to death and I'm out in the middle of nowhere and a car comes down the street to help me, am I going to ask them, are you a Republican or a Democrat

Dawn Fleming

  10:28 - 11:25

I got to ask them, what is your religion No, I need help. Right. And they're kind enough to come out of their car and help me. I'm grateful for that. We are two human beings. One human being has a need. The other one has the ability to help. What, what more do we need to read into that Right. But one of the posts I, I, posted, the universe Ozu, no obligation to make sense, right. Where we're not here to be comfortable or to be right, or to be wrong. We're here to learn, right. To, to be able to use this world to learn, but don't be dependent upon it. Right. And in order to get that inner peace that we all want as human beings, we have to be able to make our own decisions based on our own wisdom, combined with divine wisdom, right

Dawn Fleming

  11:26 - 12:30

We are part of a human species that is growing and evolving. And eventually, hopefully, we'll outgrow this ugly, chaotic, fearful hate-filled phase that we're in and be able to have a world that is better. Right. I believe that I'm a terrible optimist. And it enabled us to, make that invisible world, our home be comfortable in that because let's face it, our manmade world's in trouble. Right. And it is improving. It's not, you know, I, I do believe there are solutions for all the PR problems that face us, but we don't, we need to solve them together. Right. We need to be able to have a, a kind of discourse to be able to go back and forth and exchange ideas and really flesh out, you know, would this work, would that work without attacking and, and, you know, being so angry.

Dawn Fleming

  12:30 - 13:20

So looking ahead and planning and thinking about op you know, the outcomes that we want is really what we need to embrace. So I really encourage you to, I, and that was kind of the biggest thing I wanted to talk about today really embrace that knowing, cause the interview knows that we are in this world, but not of it. And so we have to, if we hang on to that divinity, that's within us, all right. That inner peace is there, but it's not going to be found outside. It's never going to be founded outside. And that's why I do the workshop that I do. Right. If you think you're just going to change locations and be happy, I have bad news for you. You're not going to like it out there any more than you did over here. Right So, I hope we can, be mindful of that as we go further,

Dawn Fleming

  13:23 - 13:24

We'll be back in a moment.

Commercial

  13:26 - 14:17

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Commercial

  14:22 - 15:04

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Dawn Fleming

  15:11 - 15:20

Welcome back to the overseas life redesign podcast. Thank you so much for being here. And we invite you to subscribe. If you like, what you hear

Dawn Fleming

  15:21 - 15:47

For the second part of this talk today, I'd like to share with you the five main reasons why people don't achieve their goals. Reason number one is because you're probably never taught how to set goals in the first place. And maybe you were taught a time management system, which is ridiculous because you cannot manage time. You can only manage yourself.

Dawn Fleming

  15:48 - 16:56

So that's probably, that may be a reason. Number one, number two is most people don't understand. They've never been taught why it is so dang hard to change. It changes not easy. And we, human beings are wired through evolution to not want to change. And so when you set goals by definition that means you're trying to change something, right and so all this weird stuff kicks into all of us, no matter how much of a high achiever you are. So that's number two, number three, you may have believed it or not. You may have set goals. I should say the goal is that you attempted to achieve really what you wanted. You're like, oh, would I really set a goal that I didn't want to achieve well, maybe right. Maybe. So that could be part of it. Number four, this is huge. The rules have changed and no one told you, right

Dawn Fleming

  16:56 - 17:57

You're operating under an old set of rules and not what exists today for you to be able to implement the significant changes that you want to make. And number five, you weren't that you never learned how powerful you really are. That’s the, I think chapter eight in my book or nine is, how powerful we really are. And I've gotten, deeply into studying this work and will continue to, because I really find it's fascinating. And I really feel like this is an area that people really need to have a strong understanding and belief about because it really is. What's going to empower you to be able to do the things to, to eight, just to imagine, to dream bigger? If, if you don't understand how powerful you are, right you set little teeny goals or you have little teeny dreams.

Dawn Fleming

  17:57 - 18:43

If you really internalize how powerful you really are, then you're going to be willing to be expansive in that. Right. I remember one guy that we used to work with within our first company, after I quit practicing law, he was a lawyer actually. And his, his mantra is you're not thinking big enough and I've always remembered that. And I, in fact, just the other day I was, Tom and I was in Cancun and we took a trip to Cancun, do some shopping. I was talking about some of the things that, that I'm, my gears are spinning things that I want to accomplish. And I said, you know, when you get back from your fishing trip, I get back from Minnesota. I said we need to work on your dream board. There are some more things I need to put on my master dream lists.

Dawn Fleming

  18:43 - 19:54

And we were talking about, one of my big ones is cruising the Rhine river and, Germany in September, because little secret Oktoberfest isn't in October, October Fest in Germany is in September. And that's when the leaves change and, and all of the big celebrations. So, as you know, I, I like the water. So they have these little river riverboat cruises, and they're just like cruise ship ones with lots of people and stuff. I said, no, no, no, I don't want to do that. Well were cause we were talking about getting rid of our boat, right we’re going to be putting our boat up on the market here pretty soon. And so we were talking about being able to charter anywhere on the world and where, where we would want to go, where we'd want to charter. And so this river cruise came up again and I said, you know, I think I would like to, to get a private, riverboat with about room for about 10 or 12 really cool couples and just be able to hang out with our friends on like a mini cruise down the Rhine river and be able to stop at these, in these little villages and have these, little, October Fest celebrations that just, it's just, it's something that I've always wanted to do.

Dawn Fleming

  19:54 - 20:44

Half of my family that, that whole side, my mom on my mom's side is all German. So I have a, an affinity for Germany. And, I was there once, 20 years ago and it was awesome. So I really can't wait to go back. So, you know, we, if we don't know, we'll have a powerful, we are, how can we ever have an, a vision I mean, if you were thinking little, you might go, oh gosh, you know, boy, that would cost a lot. Wouldn't it. To, to charter a whole boat, right. That would accommodate 20 to 24 people like, oh, wouldn't that be Ooh, and I don't know that I could afford it. Well, if you split it upright, 10 or 12, the wait is, it probably would be more important for affordable than one of those great big cruise ships that, I have no interest in taking, you know, being a part of.

Dawn Fleming

  20:44 - 21:32

So that's why we have to really embrace the power we are. And if you, going back to what I was talking about in the beginning, you know, if you get dragged down into the mud, right, what's the old saying, don't wrestle with a pig, right You get dirty and the pig likes it. Like stay out of that, that mess, right we don't need to go there. We want us to take the high road and remember that we're all pretty much the same. And everybody has the same basic needs. They want to be happy. They want to be healthy. They want to be loved. They want to be part of a community of people that cares about them and is vibrant. And so if, if you take anything away from what I talked about today, I hope it is that is just done your best work in such a volatile time.

Dawn Fleming

  21:32 - 22:11

Right now it's really, even the best of us that are, that have practiced these things for a long time that can really be maddening, to kind of, see what's going on. So take a deep breath, meditate. I've, I've really taken some extra steps to meditate and really, stick-like I said, stay above the noise, stay out of the fear, stay out of the animosity and realize that it is our divine spirit that is going to lead us through and humanity through this horrible phase, this growing phase that we're in right now and this too shall pass

Dawn Fleming

  22:14 - 22:48

This episode of the overseas life redesign podcast was brought to you by our sponsors. Thanks for tuning in. Did you love this episode of the overseas life redesign podcast, then please subscribe to our show and leave us a nice review. It's very much appreciated. We invite you to visit paradise roadmap.com and register for an upcoming free live workshop. How to retire overseas on a shoestring budget. We'd also love for you to become part of our life and earn Paradise Facebook group. Thanks for this.